My voice is slowly changing. I feel calmer (I’ve quit biting my fingernails for the first time in my life). I find myself less capable of multi-tasking. All expected changes that come with testosterone. But… I’m still me – the same but different. The biggest difference is the absence of the daily struggle to be something I never was – a woman. Now the struggle is anticipating how I will be perceived by others – worrying whether my next trip to a public men’s room will cause a stir or the “may I help you ….” line will end in sir or mam.
I wish it didn’t matter to me. Is the rebel I used to be fading away? I hear stories about guys that, once they pass, are content staying stealth and living in the binary gender norm. I’d like to think that won’t be me. I’d like to think that I’ll stay connected to the struggle for acceptance (not mere tolerance) of human diversity in all of its forms.