‎”Your task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well-trained, well equipped and battle hardened.”

Dwight D. Eisenhower- D-Day June 6, 1944

The seemingly endless number of hoops to go through during transition takes a toll – physically, emotionally and spiritually. And, even though I do not aspire to be stealth, I need to keep reminding myself there’s no real “end” or final destination on this journey – not really. I’ve hit plenty of milestones since taking that first (outward) step last Fall but it’s funny how little pop-ups have a way of deflating my sense of self-esteem and create a message like “Oh no, here we go again…” in my head.

The most recent one – going back to ask all the people who’ve written Linkedin recommendations in the past using feminine pronouns to change them to the masculine (or de-genderize). My motivation is not to mislead but to prevent confusion; I am out but I don’t necessarily want my transition be the very first thing I talk about with prospective employers. It’s part of who I am but not central to what I bring to the table from my career.

The main problem: there were a number of folks I’d worked with through the years that I’ve not contacted directly about my transition. I could just hide those recommendations but then my profile loses the context of how my career has progressed over time. I decided to just take a deep breath, reach out, ask and be prepared for whatever fallout came my way. I’ve already received one response that goes like this: “Sorry, I’m just not comfortable with this. At the time I wrote this you were a female. I don’t want to be dishonest.” I’ve decided to let it drop; the person is not important enough to me (or likely to change his/her mind) to invest the time and energy in to educate. Thank goodness the majority of the responses I’ve received so far have been more positive – either with the noted corrections alone or accompanied by a message of support.

To cope with this I have to try to stay in the present and not dwell on either the past or the future. It gets overwhelming. I also need to build supportive relationships and not settle for ones that are built on “tolerance” – but that is another post!

6 thoughts on “Perseverance

  1. Hey there man….. I have to admit that I am jealous that you have come so far in such a short time. I am also very happy for you to have been able to accomplish all that you have.
    I’m still trying to save up money for my top surgery and I don’t know when I will be able to afford that. Maybe by the end of next year…. who knows.
    I am so proud to say that I know you and have met you in person and I do wish you the very best in your journey and with everything that you attempt. Keep us all informed and I send prayers and blessing your way hoping that they will help you.

    • Thanks brother. Meeting you at the conference last year helped me over the last stages of doubt I had about transitioning. I’ll forever be in your debt.

  2. I have to admit that I’m very jealous of your mindset here. That kind of reaching out is a damn hard thing to do, especially if you don’t want to make a “thing” out of your transition, because you’re having to draw attention to it in the first place in order to draw attention away from it in the end!

    Nonetheless, while some may cause an internal sigh, I’m pleased that the majority have responded so well. Luckily, you have wisdom in bucketloads to help you rise above the others!

    Also looking forward to the “tolerance” relationships post; it’s likely to be another one to resonate with me…


  3. To preserver is to try and try even though you have a puzzle that puzzles your mind…but remember love is an ocean without any END, love is your family and your friends…you may have to loose a few people in your past to find your future…

  4. Hi, Eli sent me over to you said I would be interested in reading some of your posts since you are closer to my age. I can imagine the strength it took to reach out to people who just really are not in your comfort zone to change things that will help you in the end. I can expect I will probably get the same thing at some point if I ever do that. I had many responses like that from my blood family. Anyway looking forward to catching up on your posts and reading more from you.

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